With the unrelenting shitshow that 2020 bestowed upon us, it's hard to really pinpoint the lowest of lows. But for me, I think I'll always remember the night when our country took a break from mismanaging a global pandemic and began burning from coast to coast in a cultural civil war while the commander and chief instigator turned off the lights and hid under his bed like a little kid waiting for mom and dad to come home and save him from the closet monster. Now I always like to preface our Worst of the Year recap with the sentiment that obviously, there are probably much worse albums out there. But I don't necessarily seek out terrible music intentionally, so these are the worst albums I actually took the time to finish and at least had enough interest in to seek out in the first place. But that doesn't quite roll off the tongue like WORST OF THE YEAR, does it? Regardless, here is the bottom tier of our Year in Tiers recap - The Bunker Bitches.
#109. Danzig Sings Elvis by Danzig
Every once in a while a record pops up on the "New Releases" calendar that sounds so ridiculous you think it can't possibly be legit. But unfortunately "Danzig Sings Elvis" is exactly what you'd imagine it to be. The production quality makes it sound like something Danzig made in his own karaoke dungeon during quarantine. However, it was recorded before COVID, so you can't even offer him that benefit of the doubt. It's an absolute joke of a record; painful to finish and better off for everyone being swept under the rug. A historically terrible effort with production quality that sounds like it was bootlegged from a zoom meeting.
#108. Have We Met by Destroyer
After being turned off from Destroyer due to the pretentious indie lounge synth ballads of "Poison Season", I decided to give him another shot. But upon hearing the opening lyric "I was like the laziest river" followed later by "Clickity Click Click, the music makes a musical sound" I realized, this latest effort was not going to alter my opinion of Destroyer in any way. The album looks and sounds like Parks and Rec's Dennis Feinstein at a Pawnee coffee shop open mic night.
#107. Father of All Motherfuckers by Green Day
Still struggling to maintain consistency in the wake of their "American Idiot" rebirth, Green Day follows up the surprisingly not terrible "Revolution Radio" with the worst album they've ever put out. Sounding more like their rockabilly alter egos in the Foxboro Hot Tubs (except way less fun) Green Day is hardly even recognizable on this record, specifically their lead single where Billy Joe seems to be trying to disguise his trademark voice by smothering it in distorted falsetto. The entire thing wreaks of a band out of ideas, flailing desperately in any direction to try and fill out their record contract obligations.
#106. Music To Be Murdered by Eminem
With only critics left to aim his anger at, late career Eminem feels more and more like the kind of bitter out of touch celebrities he used to mock. This latest release isn't nearly as embarrassing as "Revival" but it's still incredibly bland. We get it, Eminem can rap very fast. But he's not saying anything meaningful anymore and hasn't since 2010's "Recovery". It's like he's constantly trying to prove himself but with each attempt, he just continues to expose how far removed he is from the legendary MC we saw take the music industry by storm 20 years ago. It doesn't matter how fast he delivers his verses, once the voice of a generation - Eminem doesn't appear to have anything left to say.
#105. Kooky Spooky by The Aquabats
I haven't really kept up with the Aquabats' detour into children's programming via Yo Gabba Gabba but upon hearing the band's return with their first single "Pajamazon!" I had hope that the Aquabats' first LP since 2011 could be a return to form after the massively disappointing "Hi-Five Soup!" and "Charge!!". Unfortunately the hope unraveled like an old friend you're initially excited to catch up with but then slowly remember all the reasons you stopped hanging out with them in the first place. The lack of horns still leaves a massive emptiness in the Aquabats recipe and the ingenuity in quirky songwriting seems to be running dry as well as the subject matter is pretty stale here.
#104. Garbers Days Revisited by Inter Arma
On last year's "Sulphur English", Inter Arma leaned into weaving clean vocals into their brand of punishing sludge metal. On their cover album, "Garbers Day Revisited", they provide even more evidence as to why that's an absolutely terrible route for this band to take. Now admittedly, hearing blast beats over Neil Young's "Southern Man" was pretty badass. But the cover of "Purple Rain" is the worst recorded cover I've ever heard. Absolutely laugh out loud awful. If you consider Prince a God, Inter Arma will be spending eternity being tortured as Morris Day's servants in hell for this grave desecration.
#103. Rough and Rowdy Ways by Bob Dylan
This bloated, meandering collection of burn out poetry gurgled over redundant musical arrangements has Bob Dylan feeling more out of touch than ever. I really hoped for something more substantial in Dylan's first full length effort of original material since 2012's "Tempest" but these overly long, self involved ballads offer absolutely nothing new. Songs like "Key West" make it abundantly clear Dylan is more than ready for retirement and as the audience, I think we ought to grant it to him at this point.
#102. Ricky Music by Porches
4 records in and the lo-fi synthpop outfit Porches still seem to be struggling to find their identity. Not quite bouncy or rhythmic enough to draw in the indie electro pop crowd and not quite deep enough for the audiophile arthouse audience - "Ricky Music" feels lost if not totally aimless. And I'm all for musical exploration; you don't need to fit into any one pre-made genre. But Porches still feels beholden to the genres they don't quite fit into. Like they're trying to expand pre-existing genres without being fully capable of mastering them in the first place. Like a kid taking Spanish 2, without ever taking the intro class.
#101. Pith by Melkbelly
This record sounds like a band playing a coffee shop that no one is actually there to see. Everyone is trying to talk over the noise and confused at what happened to the regular guy who just plays acoustic versions of Pearl Jam songs. The band is somehow oblivious to how little attention anyone is paying to them and drones on and one in between every song about exactly what inspired each track and then plays their entire set looking down at the ground and swaying back and forth.
View the Rest of the 2020 Year in Tiers Here:
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