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    • May 30, 2019

Top 10 Music Biopics (that will probably never get made but kinda should)

This week sees the release of the latest landmark musician to receive the biopic treatment - Elton John in Rocketman. And with the recent box office success of Straight Outta Compton and Bohemian Rhapsody I'm sure we're in for plenty more, so here's my wishlist of what I'd like to see:

#10. I Will Always Love You

starring Jennifer Hudson as Whitney Houston

directed by Ava DuVernay

A tragic story of talent lost too soon, dual threat Jennifer Hudson would be back in Oscar form in no time portraying the short-lived diva. Selma director Ava DuVernay may have trouble getting into the grittier side of Houston's battle with addiction but she's also more likely to keep the film upright as a celebration of her life achievements instead of a depressing look at the struggles of addiction. Terrance Howard as Bobby Brown also feels strangely perfect.

#9. Thank You Very Much

starring Robert Downey Jr. as Elvis Presley

directed by Jon Favreau

Maybe the most famous name in music, Elvis Presley would be a tough biopic to nail down but somebody like Robert Downey Jr. in the role (maybe with the aid of some reverse aging CGI like we saw on Sam Jackson in Captain Marvel) would definitely be a sight to behold. With his recent Disney hits, Favreau has the clout to demand a budget big enough for the King and has the experience to deliver a heartfelt character study worthy dissecting America's first rock star.

#8. Enter the Wu-Tang

starring Sterling K. Brown as GZA

Trevante Rhodes as RZA

Michael Kenneth Williams as Old Dirty Bastard

Winston Duke as Method Man

Brian Tyree Henry as Raekwon

Lil Rel Howery as Ghostface Killah

Anwan Glover as U-God

directed by Spike Lee

Destined to be an ensemble piece in the vein of Straight Outta Compton, The Wu-Tang Clan would serve as the east coast counterpart to the turbulent hip hop uprising of the 1990's. And nobody says 1990's New York City like Spike Lee - who seems to be at his best when telling true stories (see Malcolm X or BlacKKKlansman). And while my first instinct for ODB was to see Eric Andre wilding out in the food stamp line, Michael Kenneth Williams will keep it from turning into a full blown comedy.

#7. Beastie Boys Movie

starring Jonah Hill as MCA

Michael Cera as Ad Rock

Jay Baruchel as Mike D

directed by Spike Jonze

Judging by the Beastie's sterilized telling of their own story in the recently released "Beastie Boys Book" and re-writing their own history a bit by rerecording earlier tracks without the drug and misogynistic lyrics - this one might have to wait a bit unless you want to end up with a glossed over puff piece like Bohemian Rhapsody. But Spike Jonze (who directed the landmark video for "Sabotage") would be absolutely perfect for a unique and first hand account of the eclectic trio's unprecedented career. Add a Superbad reunion of actors who burst onto the scene as juvenile punks with dick jokes trying to evolve into serious artists just like the B-Boys did and you've got the perfect on screen embodiment.

#6. I'm Not So Innocent

starring Margot Robbie as Britney Spears

directed by Harmony Korrine

Britney Spears seems like such a fascinating pop culture figure to me. She went from America's pop princess to having a public mental breakdown (highlighted by shaving her head bald, a Vegas wedding, a subsequent reality show chronicling her marriage, and even walking a self produced song about being used as a puppet; barefoot to a local radio station - with said song having disappeared entirely ever since). Despite a carefully orchestrated comeback a few years later, we now have conflicting reports that Spears may be ready to retire from performing altogether and is being propped up by her family and managers who are relying on her for income. A surprisingly tragic story that would be right in the wheel house of the director of such absurdly surreal, dystonia fairy tales as the Beach Bum and Spring Breakers. I initially wanted to go with Miley Cyrus but I think Margot Robbie is a little more adept to the tragic side (see I, Tonya) and Miley playing a pop princess turned basket case may become more about her own story than Britney's.

#5. All Apologies

starring Caleb Landry Jones as Kurt Cobain

Elisabeth Moss as Courtney Love

directed by Derek Cianfrance

Despite their seemingly overnight success and imminent burnout, Nirvana remains hailed as one of the most influential acts of their time. The documentary "Montage of Heck" did a great job of laying the groundwork for Cobain's backstory so adapting it into the film treatment wouldn't be all that hard. Toss in Josh Peck as Krist Novoselic and Dave Franco as Dave Grohl and you're good to go. Let's just keep Oliver Stone away so we don't head down the path of a conspiracy theory ending...

#4.Starman

starring Ezra Miller as David Bowie

directed by Damien Chazelle

While it was tempting to go with a British director like Danny Boyle or Sam Mendes (or even Chris Nolan?!), I think Damien Chazelle showed us he has the musical chops (with hits like La La Land and Whiplash) to pull off the operatic odyssey of David Bowie's transformative career. And he kind of needs to redeem himself in the biopic genre after First Man. Plus Ezra Miller has all the flamboyance and electric charisma required to nail the role of Bowie. It just may be a little hard to keep his entire story contained to a 2 hour film. Regardless, we gotta squeeze in Nicholas Hoult as Iggy Pop somewhere.

#3. The Two Princes of Pop

starring Donald Glover as Prince

Chadwick Boseman as Michael Jackson

directed by Ryan Coogler

Instead of diving into the backstory of MJ and Prince separately, I say we go at this thing like The Prestige, The Departed or the upcoming Ford v. Ferrari movie and tell both sides in a dual narrative. Have the competition between the two drive the story instead of sifting through their personal lives (which we'll probably never really know the truth about anyways). Glover may be a little too big to play the 5'2" Prince but my only other option that would be equally multi-talented with enough sexual charisma to pull it off would be Janelle Monae. Which wouldn't necessarily be bad but, we'll keep with Glover for now...

#2. Sympathy for the Devil

starring Adam Driver as Mick Jagger

Andrew Garfield as Keith Richards

Daniel Radcliffe as Ronnie Wood

Emile Hirsch as Brian Jones

directed by Martin Scorsese

Not many bands are associated with legendary filmmakers like the Rolling Stones are with Martin Scorsese. Seeing their story be told by anyone else would seem blasphemous. And Scorsese has always been such a music aficionado, he's well overdue for taking on a full scale music biopic and what greater way to do it than one of the biggest rock bands of all time. And while taking on this much material would be daunting for most filmmakers, I'm sure Scorsese could iron this out - look what he did for Howard Hughes in the Aviator. Casting Mick Jagger is a little tough but I think Driver could pull it off. Maybe sneak in Johnny Depp as an older Keith Richards towards the end of the film and a jab or two at the Beatles.

#1. Diary of a Madman

starring Michael Fassbender as Ozzy Osbourne

Maggie Gyllenhaal as Sharon Osbourne

directed by Todd Phillips

With arguably the most enduring legacy in heavy metal and a plethora of stories accumulated along the way, Ozzy would be absolutely perfect for the big screen treatment. From his early days with Sabbath to his solo gig with Randy Rhoads to ultimately aging into a sitcom dad on his own reality show; the Ozzy story would feel like the Goodfellas of biopics with the same bored suburbanite finale. Just imagine instead of Ray Liotta grabbing the paper in his bathrobe its Ozzy shouting "Sharon!" from the couch as he's trying to figure out the remote control. Todd Phillips could balance the comedic and dramatic tones while Fassbender probably wins an Oscar as the Prince of Darkness. And we've got to sneak in a cameo from Sacha Baron Cohen as an over the top Ronny James Dio driving the remaining members of Sabbath insane in the studio as Ozzy's replacement while Osbourne is achieving massive solo success.


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