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    • Apr 27, 2022

Top 10 Video Game Adaptations (that will probably never get made but kinda should)

With the ongoing lack of originality in Hollywood creating a constant pillaging of pre-existing concepts that will inevitably lead to even more video game adaptations in the future, we've re-worked our dream cast of video game movies we'd like to see but probably never will. Even though some of our picks have actually been made. I still think Bryan Cranston is a no brainer for Sully but WHATEVER MARKY MARK, WE'RE STICKING WITH OUR VERSION FOR THE UNAVOIDABLE RE-BOOT.

#10. Comix Zone

starring Samara Weaving as Sketch Turner

written & directed by Edgar Wright

This is probably the most obscure game on the list but it was always a personal favorite of mine growing up, mostly because of the 90's comic book aesthetic. The 1995 SEGA Genesis title featured a freelance comic artist / musician being sucked into the comic book he's working on about a New York City alien invasion. With all the comic book movies being made currently, seeing a visionary like Edgar Wright take what he did for Scott Pilgrim and apply it to the comic book world would be a visual spectacle of the highest order and I'm sure he could flesh out a little more substantive plot as well. Swap the 90's grunge guy for a charismatic indie rock babe (played by Samara Weaving) and you've got a solid live-action / comic book illustrated crossover that has the potential to be the most visually captivating film on the list.


UPDATE: Nothing really needs updating on this one. Let's go Edgar, make it happen.

#9. Contra

starring Mark Wahlberg as Bill

Dwayne Johnson as Lance

directed by Neil Blomkamp

Who better to tackle an alien invasion in New Zealand than Neil Blomkamp? Toss in the two biggest action stars on the planet with some excessively massive guns to take down creatures galore in a mindless popcorn 80's throwback that could absolutely serve to re-launch the Contra brand (no-pun intended). Headline the film with a Pain & Gain reunion of Marky Mark and The Rock to bring the star power and you're set. I'm sure both Wahlberg and Johnson would love another crack at a decent video game movie after their mid-aughts flops, Doom and Max Payne, right? Blomkamp is great at world building and with so much intellectual property at his disposal, he could really thrive bringing this side scrolling shoot em up to the big screen. Oh and we need Junkie XL on board to remix the classic 8-bit soundtrack.


UPDATE: Okay, since writing this Mark Wahlberg's status as one of the "biggest action stars on the planet" has since diminished quite a bit but - whose gonna take his place? Jason Mamoa? Jason Statham? No thanks. Wahlberg deserves to stick around, despite his questionable business decisions and frequently collaborations with Mel Gibson.

#8. Half-Life

starring Jake Gyllenhaal as Dr. Freeman

Directed by Alex Garland

To be completely honest, I don't remember much of the specifics around Half-Life 2 (other than those terrifying face crabs) but when I finished it at the time, it was one of the coolest games I'd ever played. After 28 Days Later, Ex Machina, and Annihilation; Alex Garland has more than proven himself as the best filmmaker going in the horror/sci-fi crossover realm. So a Half-Life adaptation would fit very nicely in his catalog of immersive work. And Gyllenhaal, while a great actor, could certainly use a signature franchise to attach himself to at this stage in his career. Let's just hope he's not too jaded from Prince of Persia to tackle another video game adaptation...


UPDATE: This one's still solid as long as Garland hasn't burned through his credibility after 2022's Men...

#7. Crash Bandicoot

starring Andy Samberg as Crash Bandicoot

Jenny Slate as Coco Bandicoot

Lawrence Fishburne as Aku Aku

Nick Offerman as Neo Cortex

directed by Phil Lord & Christopher Miller

Unlike Sonic the Hedgehog, Crash Bandicoot needs to be a FULLY animated film. And with all of the characters and personality this series has built out over the years there is plenty of terrain to cover, especially in the more than capable hands of The Lego Movie and Into the Spider-Verse's masterminds Phil Lord & Christopher Miller. And hell, Sony made TWO Angry Birds movies so why not take a swing with Crash? It seems more reasonable than trying to make an animated film out of the Mario series and with Sony desperate for franchises, this could be a huge opportunity to get back into the animated game and relaunch the semi-dormant video game series as well.


UPDATE: Sony's attempt at relaunching the video game series with "It's About Time" was a bit of a dud but that doesn't mean that a movie couldn't still work. Especially in the wake of the Super Mario movie's colossal financial success.

#6. Grand Theft Auto

starring Donald Glover, Tom Hardy, Jason Statham, Nicolas Cage, Brian Cox & Pat McAfee

directed by Chad Stahelski

I don't think you need to rehash any of the storylines from the previous GTA games, especially considering most of the games lift their stories from movies anyways. But instead let's take the multi-faceted heist approach of GTA V and toss in charismatic actors you would watch in just about anything. Donald Glover, Tom Hardy, Jason Statham and Nic Cage make up our unexpected team of renegades while Brian Cox plays the over the top villain in a balls to the wall action spectacle the likes of which would make Michael Bay's jaw drop. Set it in Liberty City but maybe throw in an unexpected trip to Vice City for a Ray Liotta cameo as an elderly Tommy Vercetti.


UPDATE: Welp, so much for that Ray Liotta cameo (R.I.P. Tommy V). And Joe Rogan is definitely out as Lazlow so let's recast that with Pat McAfee. And y'know what, our initial choice for director (Joe Carnahan) has made some pretty shit movies the last couple years so he's out as the director as well. Let's get John Wick's Chad Stahelski in the director's chair to orchestrate the biggest stunt sequences his imagination can fathom. And maybe wiggle in a Keanu cameo.

#5. Uncharted

starring Oscar Isaac as Nathan Drake

Zazie Beets as Chloe

Kate McKinnon as Elena

Bryan Cranston as Sully

and Nathan Fillion as Sam Drake

directed by Brad Bird

UPDATE: Okay, so fuck that Tom Holland movie. If Oscar Isaac isn't too old to take on Moon Knight than he's definitely still capable of pulling off the adult Nathan Drake. And I'm sure Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol's Brad Bird can come up with some better set pieces than dropping the crew in a fucking Papa John's restaurant. A Papa John's?! In Spain?! Whatever...And Bryan Cranston would make a killer Sully. Fuck outta here Marky Mark. Oh, and I'm tossing in Nathan Fillion (who would have made the perfect Nathan Drake back in the day) to play Nate's older brother Sam. Add Kate McKinnon for reliable comic relief and bam, the film series could make as big a jump from one entry to the next as the video game series did going from its introductory game to Among Thieves.

#4. Zombies Ate My Neighbors

starring Jack Dylan Grazer & Millie Bobby Brown

directed by David F. Sandberg

I've played this probably more than any other video game in my entire life. It's so simplistic and arcadey and stylish and just flat out fun. A horror-comedy, Joe Dante-esque adventure that encapsulates all of the classic monsters in one catastrophic small town setting would make for a genre homage of the highest order. Think Return of the Living Dead meets Monster Squad. Lights Out & Shazam director David F. Sandberg could balance the horror-comedy aesthetic with young superstars Jack Dylan Grazer & Millie Bobby Brown chewing the scenery in an over the top Zombieland meets The Babysitter meets Gremlins horror extravaganza. Toss in an Expendables-style roll call of iconic horror cameos (Kane Hodder as the Chainsaw Man, Brad Douriff voicing the Killer Doll, Doug Jones as the Sea Creature, Gary Oldman as the Vampire, etc.) and you've got a classic in the making. And if somehow we can rope in John Carpenter to provide the music as the final cherry on top...


UPDATE: so our young leads aren't getting any younger, but I still think they could pull this off. At least for another couple of years...

#3. Twisted Metal

starring Dave Bautista as Sweet Tooth

Michael B. Jordan as Axel

Aubrey Plaza as Dollface

Charlize Theron as Outlaw / Jamie Roberts

John Cena as Spectre

Olivia Cooke as Grasshopper / Krista Sparks

J.K. Simmons as Warthog / Captain Rogers

Vin Diesel as Calypso

directed by James Wan

This is the one that I've been wanting since I was a kid. Twisted Metal seems like a perfect fit for a movie and with the Furious franchise seemingly winding down due to it's behind the scenes drama between stars, this would be the perfect franchise to take over in terms of delivering blockbuster vehicular chaos. Having a Death Race style tournament where the cars could carry over from film to film but the drivers don't necessarily have to, would leave plenty of room to bring in new faces for each installment without requiring attachments to specific actors (outside of maybe Dave Bautista as Sweet Tooth, because I mean, c'mon). This has enormous franchise potential with a bevy of interweaving storylines for each driver that could make this a spectacular Mad Max / Mortal Kombat hybrid and with a horror/action veteran like James Wan behind the camera it could be something truly magnificent.


UPDATE: The Peacock series SUCKS. I don't know who decided we needed Anthony Mackie to sarcastically narrate like a Dollar Tree Deadpool but it's just the tip of the iceberg on the painfully adolescent humor that plagues the show with cringey fart and porn jokes. The whole thing feels like a direct to DVD Sean William Scott movie from 2003. So I'm thinking a relaunch as a movie with the details above isn't entirely out of the question. Well, maybe some of the cast (Aubrey Plaza, Michael B. Jordan, John Cena?) has outgrown supporting roles in a video game adaptation at this point but maybe not?

Oh and after Malignant, James Wan is gone. Replacing him with his Saw co-creator and Upgrade / Invisible Man director - Leigh Whannell. While we're at it, Vin Diesel you're out too. Rob Zombie is in as the new Calypso with a fun little nod to the og series. And we're using his music in the fucking soundtrack for god's sake. How did the Peacock series fumble that while dumping an endless barrage of 90s/2000s needle drops in our laps?

#2. Silent Hills

starring Norman Reedus

directed by Guillermo Del Toro (maybe?)

Even though I still haven't gotten around to seeing Alicia Vikander's Tomb Raider reboot, the last 4 Resident Evil sequels or Assassin's Creed - I'm still gonna go out on a limb and say that the 2006 Silent Hill adaptation is the best video game film to date and it's not even close. The sequel left a LOT to be desired but if there's anyone that could restore faith in this series it would be Guillermo Del Toro. Especially given Del Toro's cancelled 2015 Silent Hills game with Norman Reedus and Hideo Kojima, why not go around the developer that cancelled the project (fuck you Konami) and turn the scrapped concept into a film instead? Del Toro getting to create creatures in the Silent Hill universe would be absolutely incredible but if the storied filmmaker is somehow above video game adaptations now that he's won an Oscar (and the fact that he has a tendency to back out of more projects than he completes) maybe we make Del Toro a producer and give directing duties to Scott Derickson? Or maybe even a return to the body horror / psychological thriller subgenre for David Cronenberg? Or hell, even his son?


UPDATE: If Del Toro has no qualms in making adaptations for Pinocchio or Frankenstine, I don't see why he'd be above directing this? But allegedly Christophe Gans is filming a sequel to his 2006 film so maybe he'll get the series back on track without the need for a full reboot just yet.

#1. Metal Gear Solid

starring Christian Bale as Solid Snake

Kate Mara as Naomi

Imogen Poots as Meryl

Kurt Russell as Colonel Roy Campbell

Michael Fassbender as Liquid Snake

Jimmi Simpson as Emmerich

directed by Hideo Kojima & Christopher Nolan

Hideo Kojima's 1998 masterpiece Metal Gear Solid introduced a cinematic presence to the gaming world that it had never experienced before (and some would argue, has still failed to recapture since). With the way that Kojima's final chapter of the Metal Gear saga was cut short due to behind the scenes production issues with Konami as well as Kojima's obvious affinity for filmmaking - it'd be a seemingly natural career progression for the series creator to take the franchise to the big screen in a collaborative directorial effort much like Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller did with the Sin City film adaptation in 2005. And there's no one better at delivering cerebral action spectacles than Christopher Nolan. Pairing him with Kojima could be a stylistic match made in outer heaven. Let's just hope we can fit both of their egos in the same room. If not, maybe Nolan can just be a producer?


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