If your chocolate intake is limited, you've got to be incredibly selective about what you choose to indulge upon. And nobody on Earth is selecting a 3 Musketeers with their first overall candy draft pick. Yes, it's technically chocolate. But it hardly showcases chocolate's best features. Even as basic as something like a Hersey bar or Tootsie Roll can be, they at least have the rich texture you look for in a chocolate treat. 3 Musketeers is all fluff. Don't get me wrong, you'll still eat it. And it's not terrible. But only after all the other candy options have been exhausted. These are the 3 Musketeers of albums released in 2023.
#119. Calling the Dogs by Citizen
When Brand New and Title Fight evolved from album to album, they managed to make it sound like a natural progression of their original sound. Citizen, on the other hand, sounds like they're having an identity crisis. After their failed attempt at becoming the next Foxing with "Life in Your Glass World", this time out they're trying to launch a 2000's indie garage rock revival like they're transitioning into some kind of midwestern iteration of OK Go. The problem is their songs are way too long and not nearly catchy enough for the stylistic transplant to take. Plus the title track sounds about as convincing as when Rivers Cuomo tries to write a tough-guy rock chorus for Weezer. "Calling all my dogs and we're gonna get rough" - seriously? But as bad as that is, "Options" is the lowlight for this band - who've now really only made 2 good records in the last 10 years and 3 pretty bad ones.
#118. Chaos for the Fly by Grian Chatten
I'm not sure who, if anyone, was clamoring for a solo record from the frontman of Fontaines D.C. but apparently Grian has sought out to shed his bandmates and take center stage in this lifeless debut. The primary thing that stood out to me in listening to last year's "Skinty Fia" was the remarkable instrumentation (namely from the drummer) that elevated the otherwise stoic arrangements. The only thing Grian's vocals really brought to the party was the illusion of personality cloaked in his charming accent. But without the rest of the band here to prop him up, you're left with what sounds like a post-punk lounge singer crooning over homogeneous software instruments for a record's worth of material that never should have left his laptop. This could have maybe served as a collection of decent demo tracks to build around and develop further with the full band but as it is, this final product is incredibly lacking in both style and substance.
#117. The Brightest Days by Origami Angel
The D.C. emo 2-piece returns with this summertime "mixtape" that attempts to blend bubble-gum Beach Boys barbershop pop with mallcore metal guitar riffs. Which is a blend that's just as ugly as it sounds. Like stirring a tablespoon of mayonnaise and a bratwurst into a frozen margarita. Just why? Pairing blast beats with ukulele fueled surf rock - but not in a fun New Found Glory kind of way, more of a Surf Rock Goes All Time Low kind of way - is a puzzling stylistic choice. But after that 20 track sophomore album they put out, at least this thing's only 22 minutes long. And what was with the weird political non-sequitur in the final track anyways? This band seems both stylistically and thematically lost at sea, drifting towards wherever the tides might take them. Which currently, is further and further from making anything worth acknowledging.
#116. A New Tomorrow by Zulu
Considering the themes at hand here, celebrating black excellence instead of fixating on black pain the way that mass media usually does, I really wanted to like this record. But unlike last year's Soul Glo, Zulu's ambitious attempt to seamlessly interweave a bevy of otherwise unconnected influences just comes off like a scattered mess. The record kicks off with not one but two instrumental introductory tracks and then proceeds to mix in an assortment of inexplicable soul samples and sound clips, spoken word diatribes, a rap song and a Mac DeMarco-esque interlude among an onslaught of brooootal metalcore. And again, as much as I loved the intended messaging, delivering it in an angry and embittered metal record seems to contradict the very thing this album is trying to say. Rather than a joyous celebration, "A New Tomorrow" is mostly just a series of spastic outbursts...
#115. Memento Mori by Depeche Mode
With the passing of bassist/keyboardist Andrew Fletcher last year, I honestly thought Depeche Mode would be kind of done putting out new material. Start drifting into semi-retirement mode. Maybe bust out an occasional "Greatest Hits" style tour, but that's it. Especially because I seemed to be the only person who thought their last record, 2017's "Spirit", actually stands up with the rest of their discography pretty well. But I've found myself in the minority here once again, this time really not finding much to enjoy on "Memento Mori" while the mass consensus has dubbed this a "bounce back" effort. I know it sounds redundant to call a Depeche Mode record dark and dreary, but this time it's just far too slow and uncharismatic for my taste. And some of the lyrical content is beyond cringey. Highlighted with "Caroline's Monkey is crying again", the stretch from "Soul With Me" to "Always You" is a particularly painful 20 minutes to endure.
#114. Godcaster by Godcaster
The opening track of Godcaster's self-titled album lulled me in with it's angsty melancholy melodies paired with piercing bursts of aggression, making me think I had stumbled upon a new Meat Wave subsidiary. But once the third track hit, it became abundantly clear that this is nothing more than a Swans tribute act taking themselves way too seriously. The aforementioned third song, "Didactic Flashing Antidote" is ten and a half minutes long for some reason and the best part of it comes with the ambient instrumental break in the mid section. It was pretty rough plowing through the remainder of the incredibly redundant post-rock noise but I figured, "there's only 5 more songs, I can do this!" just before hitting the record's second 10+ minute track (the eleven and a half minute "Death's Head Eyed Hawkmoth"). Ooof. And Godcaster has to be in the running for worst band name of the year, right? And then they doubled down and named the album the same fucking thing? They've gotta get some more honest people in their circle. Godcaster has not been told "no" enough.
#113. The Enduring Spirit by Tomb Mold
Although they were starting to lean more into the technical side of things on 2019's "Planetary Clairvoyance", Tomb Mold have gone full-on prog with their latest release. And I dearly miss the grimy atmosphere they used to evoke. A band called Tomb Mold should never sound this clean. Particularly because they don't seem to be as instrumentally proficient as they think they are, as this album has quite a few notably clunky moments. Listening to this record is like getting high with a weirdly aggressive dude trying to force a manufactured hallucinogenic experience when the pot isn't even good enough to make you feel anything but bored. After sitting on the guy's musty couch, staring at his black light mushroom posters from Spencer's, waiting desperately for something interesting to happen and the experience couldn't possibly feel like it could last any longer - you get hit with a rambling 11 minute closer on your way out the door that solidifies in your mind - I'm never getting high with this dude again.
#112. Did you know that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd by Lana Del Rey
Lana Del Rey has gotten so goddamned boring, I really wasn't sure I was up for a 77 minute record at this point in her career. But both the title track and "Sweet" are pretty decent ballads, even if she's still not really approached anything as interesting as "Ultraviolence" in nearly a decade now. Lana still seems to be having some kind of puzzling identity crisis, best encapsulated on "A&W" where she wales about being an American whore but then transitions into a bizarre "chimmy chimmy coco puff" hip-hop outro. Then we're treated to a four and a half minute sound clip of what seems to be a Lana Del Rey church-going-watchalong (or is it a listenalong?) which abruptly kills any momentum the record had as we get to hear her "yas queen" her pastor and imagine her sitting in a pew of white girl boss bitches sipping pumpkin spice lattes while nodding along emphatically to a McDreamy looking hipster priest. Because you just know this is the kind of yuppie church that has it's own coffee shop. Anyways, the record closes with "Peppers", which is arguably her most embarrassing effort to date. She's gotta stop with these trap beats. And nobody wants to dance naked to the Chili Peppers anymore. NOBODY. Not even Flea.
#111. 72 Seasons by Metallica
As an old school Metallica fan, I obviously don't mind long songs. It's just that THESE long songs don't really go anywhere. The title track specifically just feels like a nonsensical pile of riffs, solos and leads dumped into a 7 and a half minute pro tools session, haphazardly smushed together and exported as a "song". "Lux Aeterna" was actually a pretty interesting direction for the band to explore and the intro to "Sleepwalk My Life Away" doesn't sound like any other Metallica song I've heard. Which is saying something for a band that's racked up this much mileage. But after the intros, the songs (and the rest of the album really) just kind of sleepwalks its' way through a series of predictable chug/stomp/march verse and chorus exchanges for another hour. And while this isn't as laughably bad as "Lulu" or "St.Anger", I think we can still safely say that "Death Magnetic" is the only good Metallica album released in Miley Cyrus' lifetime. I don't know why I chose to measure it like that but I did. And I stand by it.
#110. Ten Stories High by The Bouncing Souls
Honestly, I don't know how you're supposed to age in punk rock. Especially when you're a band whose defining characteristic is your high energy, youthful romanticism. But the Bouncing Souls seemed to be on the right track with 2003's "Anchors Aweigh" and their criminally overlooked 2010 album "Ghosts on the Boardwalk". However, they've unfortunately gone off the rails here with "Ten Stories High". "True Believer Radio" sounds like something a Bouncing Souls song generating AI program would produce and wasn't "Back to Better" a 2020 Biden campaign slogan? I also have to wonder if friends of the Souls are secretly hoping they don't name a song after them at this point. Sure they've immortalized Lamar Vannoy, Kate and Johnny X with their early work but "Andy and Jackie" is a truly horrendous song. At least it's somehow better than "Magnus Air Organ". But barely.
#109. Lovers Lane by Thanks! I Hate It
I'm a huge sucker for pun-heavy emo revival song titles and as you can probably tell from this band's name, this record is chocked full of them. But despite how clever you may find the track listing (or at least I did), the ingenuity pretty much stops there. The songs themselves are indiscernible from any number of other cutesy, sparkle punk emo outfit. We've heard this record a thousand times already, specifically in the last 8-9 years. Even the heartfelt bellows of "Say Your Sorry!" on "Nobody Actually Likes the Tambourine" are more than likely to fall on deaf ears. Or at the very least, disinterested ones.
#108. The Above by Code Orange
Code Orange has been on a weird ass trajectory for some time now but even those that have stuck around for the whole ride had to be muttering "what the fuck?" to themselves when they heard this album's opener for the first time. The ridiculous pairing of beatdown bro metal guitars, raspy talk rap verses and sing song Evanescence choruses is laughably bad - but things settle back down once Billy Corgan shows up on "Take Shape". Tracks like "The Mask of Sanity Slips" and "Mirror" actually kind of work, and showcase the full range of their abilities pretty effectively. It's when they try to shove that entire range of sounds into a single track where things get stupid. But if you're looking for some head bobbing radio rock, you'll find a handful of pretty solid tracks. But there's also some truly abysmal ones.
#107. Magic 3 by Nas
Celebrating his 50th birthday by dropping his second album this year, his sixth release in the past four years and completing his second trilogy with producer Hit-Boy - I can see why Hit-Boy is ready to call this their last collaboration. Don't get me wrong, I'm elated to see Nas have a late career resurgence but he's milked this partnership for all it's worth. "No Tears" and "Never Die" are solid but the rest of this record drags on for way too long and with how much of the lyrical content is just Nas bragging about himself, I'm personally ready for a break from Nas as well. I'll be interested to see if this self-described "third prime" for Nas extends beyond what Hit-Boy was able to extract from him. But I doubt it.
#106. Agonal Hymns by Nithing
As many re-inventions and subgenres as metal has breached out into over the years, it feels like we're currently kind of stuck waiting for the next evolution to bring heavy music back into prominence. And Nithing attempts to bring that new form of metal with a manic assault on the senses that's so overwhelming that it's hard to discern what's even going on. But this aint it. It's like Job for a Cowboy played at 1.5x speed. And even though it's occasionally fun to hear how ridiculous it gets, the incessant double bass kicks and ping pong paddle snare tone are enough to drive you up a fucking wall. And there's no way a real person is playing any of these instruments without significant studio performance enhancers, right? It's a hyperdeath home studio concoction that sounds like a diesel tractor Dale Earnhardt has been assigned to drive through the bowels of hell and collect scattered demon carcasses with, harvesting skeletal remains and grinding their bones into a fine powder to lace the devil's signature brand of vape juice with.
#105. The Age of Pleasure by Janelle Monae
As much as I've enjoyed Janelle Monae's work as an actress, this was my first foray into her music. Or at least a full album's worth, anyways. But beyond it's bombastic celebration of flamboyant sexuality, this record is frustratingly empty. The curation of 1970s soul, trap beats and reggae makes for a fun cocktail of music beds for this instrumental pool party but Monae does very little to add to that foundation with either her vocal performance or lyrical content. And she's got such an incredible singing voice, you would think this should be a lay-up for her. But it's truly painful to hear her try to rap. Tracks like "Phenomenal" feel like Monae's trying to emulate Beyonce yet she ends up coming off more like a try-hard, late career Madonna. At least Monae's a better actress though...
#104. I've Seen A Way by Mandy, Indiana
As music becomes more regularly automated and auto-tuned, it feels like the interest in the synthwave revival is slowly fading into the neon pink sunset. But Mandy, Indiana is one of the more experimental electronic outfits I've come across in a while. It's just a shame that their record doesn't sound like much more than a collection of experiments itself. There are occasional atmospheres crafted around some dense soundscapes but the songs themselves feel unfinished. Like a notepad full of ideas that never got passed the conceptual stages. Which I guess would be fine for like, a solo debut EP or something. But this is a 4 piece noise group with 11 "tracks" that go nowhere. How did 4 people produce so little? Did they each arrange 3 "songs"? I don't know why I'm holding the number of people in this group against them but I am.
#103. Living Proof by Drain
For me, the biggest detractor in DRAIN's 2020 debut album was the vocals. But now with their sophomore effort, "Living Proof", the band seems to have found their voice - they just don't know what to say with it. The vocal delivery has improved significantly but even with 3 years in between records, you can feel the group desperately reaching to try and fill just 25 minutes of new material. Especially with the laughably out of place "Intermission" and cover of "Good Good Things". Neither of which fit in at all with their transition away from west coast hardcore towards a more traditional heavy metal sound. "Imposter" was a pretty fun glimpse of what the future of this band COULD be. But is there any way we could just get a "California Dreaming: Redux" with the improved vocals found here recorded over the songs from their debut?
#102.Ooh Rap | Ya by George Clanton
I understand there's only so many aesthetics one can utilize; so like the fashion industry, music can go through periods of retro styles resurfacing and re-popularized in new eras. But without any advancement or personal touch integrated, these stylistic recreations just feel hollow. "Justify Your Life" is a nice track but things drop off considerably with "Punching Down" and by the time you hit "Vapor King", it feels less like an arrangement of songs and more like a jangle-pop drum sample and shoegaze sound texture package labeled "doing ecstasy with the cast of Ally McBeal in 1997". I love the 90s too, but we really don't need to painstakingly recreate every specific musical trend from that era, do we? No, I'm genuinely asking. Should I hang onto these Cherry Poppin' Daddies cassettes? Is swing coming back again? I need to justify the closet space currently allocated to my zoot suit collection.
#101. MICHAEL by Killer Mike
For the longest time I never really thought of Run the Jewels as a power couple. Just a marginally talented white dude latching onto the untapped genius of Killer Mike. But I have to apologize to El-P, as he provides one of the rare highlights found on Killer Mike's own solo outing. Mike offers up some stunningly bad bars here on tracks like "TALK'N THAT SHIT!" and the horrifically dated sounding "SOMETHING FOR JUNKIES". "MOTHERLESS" is the first track on the album that feels substantial in anyway and it's 12 songs deep into the record. Then we get the aforementioned El-P feature on "DON'T LET THE DEVIL IN" serving as another highlight on what is overall, a career low for Mike. Hopefully he can rebound with RTJ5. But the entire record is pretty slow and understated compared to his last solo outing, "R.A.P. Music". But I guess that was 11 years ago and I don't think there's anyway to argue that Killer Mike has held his ground as one of the best MCs in the game once you hear this. He's not even the best MC in his own group anymore.
#100. Cheap Grills by Sincere Engineer
For anyone following along on their social channels, it feels like frontwoman Deanna Belos has been building up to this release as her opportunity to take the shrine of Chicagoland pop punk princess all year long. But despite the Lawrence Arms-ian rock organ, singalong chants, harmonica flares and choral "woah"s; "Cheap Grills" feels like an immature regression for Sincere Engineer. The first two tracks are particularly try-hard catchy, although they come off more corny than anything else. And while the sound of Belos' voice is rightfully spotlighted, her lyrics would have been better off being drowned out in the background. "Inside My Head" turns into some kind of mental health Dr.Suess rhyme, written as the centerpiece for a prescription anti-depressant commercial intended to connect with the "youths" asking "Where oh where, did my will to live go?" and following up with "I can't find it in a cupboard, I can't find it on a map...etc". "A Touch of Hell" almost kinda works, but even that would probably be one of the lesser tracks on her previous two records.
#99. Perfect Saviours by The Armed
I'm not sure what prompted The Armed to veer into this gross hybrid of psych rock and electronica but it sounds like the entire record is being rattled through a Geo Metro's broken car speaker. But they're trying some stuff. Sadly though, most of it sounds like an industrial interpretation of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The clean vocals expose a massive weak spot for this group, so the faster the tracks are, the better. But this neo-garage experiment does finally hit a nice groove with "Everything's Glitter" and "Burned Mind". Although it's hard to even gather an appraisal for such an eclectic and uneven project. It's not terrible but it's hard to feel like it really accomplishes anything either. Especially with how hard it crashes in the latter half of the album with all of the ballads. No thank you. Please bring back the fast screamy vocals next record.
#98. Radical Romantics by Fever Ray
Before I was inundated with the promotional photos of this release from hipster gatekeepers like Pitchfork and Consequence of Sound hyping it up beyond belief, I had no idea who Fever Ray was. Honestly, when I saw the album cover, I thought it was Spagett from Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job. And while I was impressed with the slick production on the trio of "New Utensils", "Kandy" and "Even It Out"; the oddly performative vocals were just too off-putting for me to fully embrace this record. Especially the 7 minute closer, "Bottom of the Ocean", where he basically just moans like a climaxing ghost for the entirety of the song. It's not horrible but it's definitely overblown. And I'd rather just hear a Spagett full length. What's he been up to? I bet that guy has some stories.
View the Rest of the 2023 Year in Tiers Here:
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