2023 was a sensational year for music. And while I mostly avoided stuff I anticipated hating (like a 36 song Morgan Wallen album or Young Thug's latest effort inexplicably released from jail), there were 4 records that fell down here to the very bottom. But like I say every year - I'm sure there are worse albums out there, these are just the 4 worst that I actually had enough intrigue around to finish. Andre 3000's flute album didn't make the cut. But these are the 4 albums I'd put on par with the irredeemable catastrophe known as the Fyre Festival. And while I was initially going to go with something a bit more topical for my bottom tier name, the fact that Billy McFarland has returned from his stint in solitary confinement due to the fraud charges stemming from the last festival only to launch and sell-out of tickets to Fyre Fest II (without a single performer announced, date or location specified) seems to indicate that we've forgotten in the past six years what an absolute shit show this was. So here are your audio equivalent reminders of just how bad it was.
#123. Gusher by Just Friends
When I saw that 2022's reigning Worst Album of the Year title holders had already turned around a new record for 2023, my initial thought was that I should give these guys a break and just skip it altogether. But Max talked me into giving them a second chance and instead of redeeming themselves, they've somehow gotten worse. Well, "Life I'm Living In" almost sounds like a real song but all of the painfully white rap verses like "Dollars are silver and pennies are brass, but why do I always smell like ass?" or "Friendship bracelet, endless spaceship" doom this from materializing into anything more than another embarrassment for the self proclaimed jf crew. "Circle Pit of Love" encapsulates the confused tone that this group embodies perfectly, wavering from occasionally passable c-list emo to Kidz Bop levels of upbeat funk-pop-rap songs that come off like a gen-z reincarnation of Smash Mouth covering 311. It's truly awful. But I will say, it's kind of endearing how upbeat they remain. They're definitely having fun, even if no one in the audience is. So good for them, I guess? They've shattered the glass floorboards as our first ever back to back Worst Album of the Year recipients.
#122. Outcry by Never Ending Game
As the punk pendulum seems to be swinging back from focusing on pop sensibilities to more abrasive tendencies, I guess it was inevitable that someone would try and merge the two or even transition their 4th wave emo act into a hardcore outfit. But the hilariously ill-advised juxtaposition from Never Ending Game found here, which combines testosterone fueled flexes of beatdown hardcore masculinity wrapped in sadboi, emotionally vulnerable lyricism is just kind of hilarious. Not to say that tough guys can't exhibit displays of emotion (see Danzig), it's just that this kind of knuckle-dragging Biohazard worship group is almost exclusively designed to feed shirtless dudes in mosh pits an excuse to throw an elbow into someone's sternum. But hold your 2-steps, the only breakdowns to be found here are of the emotional sort. Hearing this dude growling about how he's "Going Through Some Things" or recounting heartfelt "Memories" just conjures way too many funny images of a tatted out buff dude barking into a mic that he's a work in progress and that he's just trying to live his truth. For the inverse effect, think of American Football covering "Next Time I See You You're Dead" by First Blood. Silly, isn't it?
#121. O Monolith by Squid
It seems that for every black midi, there's a Squid - trying to out post-punk their peers with laughably pretentious art-rock. The droning arrangements repeating under a Pee-Wee Herman carnival barker vocalist make it incredibly hard to take this band seriously in any way. I mean the singer absolutely wrecks any potential this band has. Even though the instrumentals never quite hit their stride here either, sounding kind of like an irregular Black Country, New Road. Not irregular as in unique, but irregular as in constipated and grumpy. I wasn't a big fan of their highly overblown debut "Big Green Field" and this sophomore release is even worse. I think I'm about ready to give up on trying to like this band, regardless of how many rave reviews they receive from wannabe indie taste makers.
#120. Blanket by Kevin Abstract
Even before the controversy surrounding the problematic ensemble, I was never the biggest fan of BROCKHAMPTON. But their prolific output with the SATURATION trilogy dropping in a single year was fairly impressive and personally, I thought the self proclaimed "creative director" of the group made better music on his own with 2019's "Arizona Baby". So I went into Kevin Abstract's latest record with hope, especially in the wake of BROCKHAMPTON's dissolution. But this album is nothing like his previous work and finds the artist seemingly cos-playing as a disaffected, bedroom pop, glitch-rock, shoegaze enthusiast in the same lane as Jane Remover or quannnic. But it's a stunningly boring attempt at reinvention that plays less convincing than the weird mask he's sporting on the album cover. Which he also just kinda ripped off from Nothing, right? It all just feels like a cheap stylistic imitation that gets cringier the longer the album goes on, climaxing with the atrocious acoustic closers.
View the Rest of the 2023 Year in Tiers Here:
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